Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
50% drunk capacity currently
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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