yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
