if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
