So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
