When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
