Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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