it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
