FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
