So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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