For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
