You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize