I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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