Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
