he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
