We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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