I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Never underestimate the power of titties
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