I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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