Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
