it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
