Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
