dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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