everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
