It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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