there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
