I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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