I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Still dying that you shit outside
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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