her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
