your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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