When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
