Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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