She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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