Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
