Sponge bath it is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
