Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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