Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
