the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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