Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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