Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
