It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
