The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
