when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
