Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
