C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize