I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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