dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
