How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
