you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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