Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
