Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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