What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
