i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
