I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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