its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
