I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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