I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
