This is not my ceiling
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
