then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
