Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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