it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
