Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
