One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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