you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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