I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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