i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize