Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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