I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
