Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
