i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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