hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
