i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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