and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
