I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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